The first option should always be to evade the threat. If your awareness drills are working, then you should be aware of trouble as it builds and can take steps to be somewhere else. This can be as simple as crossing the road or leaving the premises. If you feel that there is a chance of being followed, head towards a populated area and get help. This is the time when ego must be set aside; avoiding trouble is not ‘weak’; it’s clever.

Try to identify if you are playing the ‘monkey dance’ (see my post Self Defence 12 – : Monkey Dance); it has a habit of sneaking up and taking control. If you cannot de-escalate yourself, you are not likely to be able to de-escalate a situation.

Your safe personal space extends up to about 5 feet (~1.5 m), and if any stranger moves into that space face-to-face directly towards you, then this should set off your alarm bells. Apart from unavoidable crowded environments (transport, sports events, etc.), there is no good reason why strangers should enter into your personal space towards you.

If you have found yourself in a confrontation, then escape should be your goal. Whether this is accomplished by running away, talking your way out, or physically going through the aggressor, this should be foremost on your mind. Remember, self-defence isn’t about beating someone up; it’s about removing a threat and buying time to escape. If you find yourself in a worsening situation, work out your best escape route while you still have some leeway. Be prepared to escape using whatever means necessary.

Defusing a situation takes good communication skills. You have to be able to talk on the same level as the attacker and placate him/her. Good control of your own body language is essential here; do not give out aggression signals, such as making yourself look bigger. Moving into the space of the person you are trying to talk down can also be construed as an aggressive act, and physical contact may be the action trigger that causes them to hit you.

Do whatever you need to get out of the situation, and be prepared to humiliate yourself. It is better to lose face than get punched in it.

A martial arts shout, known as ‘kiai’ in Japanese arts, can provide a momentary distraction that may allow you to escape. Don’t rule out shouting phrases like “please don’t stab/punch me.” If you have to respond physically and there are witnesses, then this would improve your story in court to prove that you feared for your safety.

Hardly a year goes by where there is a news article about people having a petty argument, and one of them ends up being punched or pushed so that they fall and smack their head on the pavement and die.

Is this what you want to happen to you and your family because you decided to get involved in a ‘monkey dance’ and end up accidentally killing someone?